YOU GOTTA LOVE TRANS FAT

While Bouncer and I were out on our Sunday afternoon cruise around town, I happened upon two fascinating billboards. Proud banners announcing to the world "ZERO TRANS FAT". The best part is that these two particular banners happened to be in front of KFC and Krispy Kreme. Say WHA'?! I realize this isn't really saying that doughnuts and fried chicken are now fat free, but when the average person sees ZERO and FAT in the same sentence, the first thing they think is "this is not bad for me".

And we wonder why America is the fattest nation in the world. C'mon people! I too am waiting for that glorious day when scientists announce that doughnuts and fried chicken are now health food, but until then, I'm sorry to report that TRANS fat does not mean SANS fat. I can just see people leaving the drive through, patting themselves on the back saying "It's been tough but I am really trying to stick to my zero-trans-fat diet. I'm on day 47 and I have not had one gram of trans fat...and the amazing thing is I don't feel hungry!"

Forget about all the calorie counting, excercise advice, and the good fat vs. bad fat debates. The best advice ever about dieting was given by Dr. Nick Riviera. "If you're unsure about something, rub it on a piece of paper...if the paper turns clear it's your window to weight gain!"

PEACE

LET'S GET DUFFED!

Well my DUI hearing was Tuesday. Our lawyer managed to get the whole case thrown out. No DUI on my record, no points on my license, no jail time, no trash pick-up on the side of the road, no nothing. I am so relieved to have this gross injustice behind me.

Immediately after the hearing I took my lawyer and his assistant out to the Flying Saucer for an afternoon/evening of music, drinks, pool, and darts. They had a great band that night. I was sucking down draft beer like it was the night before Prohibition...and no, I didn't drive home.

I realize I was EXTREMELY lucky to have gotten out of this trouble, whether guilty or innocent, but I sure am happy to report that in this one instance, that low-life, lying, piece o' shit cop that pulled me over in the first place, was denied a conviction. If you want to know how I feel about the police, just watch one of my all time favorite movies, Dolemite!!



CAN YOU DIG IT?!!

PEACE, BABY.