THE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT

A man was trampled to death while working at Wal-Mart. This poor guy had the unfortunate task of having to open the doors the morning of 'Black Friday'. There was such a commotion the metal door frames were crumpled in as the bargain-hungry mob pushed towards the door. Once the floodgate opened, a temporary worker named Jdimytai Damour caught the brunt of it.

Three other people, at this location alone, were injured including a woman 8 months pregnant. 8 months pregnant? Why would someone in that condition be out in that chaos in the first place? Here's the best part...although injured, the woman continued shopping then went to the hospital for treatment.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't Christmas meant to celebrate the birth of Jesus? Surely some individuals in this mob are Christians or members of some religious sect. So to celebrate this miracle, these holy deal-desperate consumers are out before sunrise and have no trouble stomping a man to death to get what they want. The news reported that after he was trampled and it was announced that the injury would result in the store's closing for an undetermined amount of time, shoppers were quite irritated and continued to finish their quest for the perfect gifts. While the EMT's were trying to save the dying man, people continued to rush by him, in and out of the store, without any concern, but with a laser-beam focus on what they were after. Amazing.

This is not the only store in America to have a trampling or fighting customers. I know this type of holiday shopping madness has gone on for many years. People fighting in stores over stuff like Elmo dolls and PlayStations. Try and picture the joy a mother has on Christmas morning watching her chilld open that gift and scream with delight, all the while knowing she got into a full-on fist fight to take that toy from another woman. Is she proud of that? Is that what people consider acceptable behavior?

I'm completely dumbfounded by this social phenomenon. I guess it grows more and more fascinating to me as people are clinging harder and faster to their religious beliefs and are so quick to pass judgement on others all in the good name of God. Once again, it seems to me the majority of religious people are only religious when it suits their immediate needs. Hungry Hungry Hippo-crits.

To me, if we all just followed the Golden Rule, the world would be a better place. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Treat other people the way you want to be treated. It's so simple. That crosses all religious and political barriers. I can't think of any valid argument anyone could possibly come up with to contradict that single theory of human kindness. I believe it's the secret to world peace.

Until then, I guess a part of society's definition of 'normal' will be the American consumer who proudly says "I stomped on a man's face today with my boots and killed him, but I got 30% off this flat screen TV...Happy Birthday Jesus!"

Peace

ECONOMIC ILLUSIONS

I'm a big fan of optical illusions. For instance, the picture above...a menacing skull of death or two jesters sitting together enjoying champagne. I love artists and photographers who see things and objects in different ways than most. It's wonderfully eye-opening to me. Never fails to put a grin on my face or even illicit an "oh that's cool" comment as well.

Economic illusions however, not so much. I was driving to work this morning listening to the news, and analysts and experts are talking about college tuitions rising whenever the economy drops. Proponents calling for lower tuitions in tough times and raising admission costs during economic upswings. So I started to think about these alleged tough times we're all in now.

I find it astonishing that in the last 6 months we have seen the Federal National Mortgage Associaction (Fannie Mae) and the Federal Home Mortgage Corporation (Freddie Mac), AIG, Bear Stearns, Shearson Lehman, some of, if not the biggest players in the finance and investment industry, countless banks, and now the American Auto Industry, all hit the skids. All needing billions upon billions of dollars from the US Government tax dollars, aka you and me. Pretty incredible timing, don't you think?

To me this all started with Fannie and Freddie, which have been having problems for years now, and were created by our not-so-financially-savvy government. Fannie Mae was created in 1938 in the wake of the Great Depression. The collapse of the housing market discouraged private lenders from investing in home loans. Fannie Mae was set up to provide banks with federal money to finance mortgages to raise levels of home ownership and the accessiblity of affordable housing. Fannie Mae was able to borrow money from foreign investors at low interest rates because of the financial support they received from the US Government which is what allowed Fannie Mae to provide fixed interest mortgage with low down payments. Fannie Mae made a profit from the difference between the interest rates homeowners pay and foreign lenders charge. Sounds simple enough.

For the first thirty years they held a veritable monopoly over the secondary mortgage market. In 1968 due to fiscal pressures created by the Vietnam War, Lyndon B. Johnson privatized Fannie Mae in order to remove it from the national budget. Here's where the illusions start. At this point Fannie Mae began operating as a government sponsored enterprises (GSE) generating profits for stock holders while enjoying the benefits of exemption from taxation and oversight as well as implied government backing. Pretty sweet deal. In 1970 Freddie Mac was created to offset the monopolization of the market. Another illusion since they were both basically one in the same. Together they control about 90% of the nation's secondary mortgage market.

In 2002 the assets of those two companies combined for a total 45% greater than that of the nation's largest bank. On the other hand, their combined debt was equal to 46% of the national debt. This is when things went awry. Congress, the Justice Department, and the SEC stepped in, finally, to examine the financial practices of these GSE's. They are the only two Fortune 500 companies not required to inform the public about any financial difficulties they might be having, though in the event of the collapse of either of these companies, US taxpayers could be held responsible for hundreds of billions of dollars in outstanding debts. That arrangement seems grossly autonomous to me, in that, they're using taxpayer dollars but don't have to divulge anything to the taxpayer. In 2002 the SEC and and the Justice Department uncovered accounting errors at Freddie Mac to the tune of 4.5 to 4.7 billion dollars resulting in the termination of three top executives.

From my perspective, the whole mess was brought about by creative financing and leveraging. Many people crunching their own budget have tried likewise. The difference here is that instead of going in and cutting back on expenses way back when, like the rest of us do when our budget is tight, greedy overpayed executives that had gotten very comfortable in this secluded and lucrative arrangement continued to operate at breakneck salary levels with the bottomless pit of financing known as tax dollars...so reveals the illusion.

A few months ago we experienced a fuel shortage. Fuel prices shot through the roof and SUV's were automotive pariah. Come to find out, there wasn't really a fuel shortage, just the illusion of a fuel shortage. The stock market slides, fuel prices are chopped in half, and everyone can drive happily. But there remains a garage shortage of sorts since the housing industry has tanked. All of the sudden, Americans can no longer afford to house themselves and foreclosures are rampant. People crying to the Government to step in, lower their mortgage commitments and interest rates, and let them keep their suddenly unaffordable home. All of this burden again falling back on the taxpayer. The taxpayer that can't afford gas, college, or their house. Hmmm.

How much of this economic crisis and recession is real and how much is illusion? I'm no Wall Street genius by any stretch of the imagination. I am, however, blessed with a limitless amount of common sense. My biggest pet peeve is people who complicate things that aren't complicated. Executives making 10, 15, even 20 million dollars a year are now crying about the financial problems of their companies and scuttling to Washington for a portion of this 700 billion dollar golden calf. Ridiculous.

Perhaps there is something I am missing here. I listen to and read everything I can to try and get a common sense understanding of this conundrum but I continually come back to basic greed and spending of dollars that don't exist.

So is this financial crisis being experienced throughout the world a menacing skull of financial death or merely two jesters sitting together enjoying champagne? One thing is clear, America is fueled by illusion...and of that fuel, there will never be a shortage.

PHOTOMOSAIC

This is the coolest. Click the pic to enlarge. It's a Lotus Esprit made from smaller pictures of other cars. I used a free program called AndreaMosaic. I'm going to have big fun playing around with this.

TO WED OR NOT TO WED

I'm all for equality and if someone wants to get married they should be allowed to do so...period. Straight, Gay, Interracial, Interplanetary, whatever. Gay people couldn't possibly do any worse at marriage than straight people have. And I don't see a bunch of straight people screaming about the 'sanctity of marraige' when a couple is divorcing. Where is all their outrage then?

That said, this sign just cracked me up...

"God Created the Rainbow so I Could CATWALK to Heaven"

You go gurl.

I am loving this cooler weather. The fleas are going away finally. I am ready to ride the Sledgehammer in subzero temperatures. Because you see, my biking skills are so renegade I literally burn up the street. I actually passed a group of people sitting at the bus stop. As the heat from my firey wheels warmed the frigid crowd I heard one grateful woman exclaim, "Thank you Sledgehammer!!"

True Story.

CAUTION: Contains naughty language!

Hayden Panettiere PSA: VOTE FOR JOHN MCCAIN!!

I love it. :)

Peace

2002 - 2008

My wild child died. I don't feel like writing much about it right now. I will miss him terribly.

Thanks for being in my life buddy. I'll love you forever.

ROCK'EM SOCK'EM POLITICS

My father and I continually trade blows politically. He is conservative right, I am, um, not. Here is a typical back and forth...

My original e-mail:

There is a video circulating showing Sarah Palin getting a blessing from a witchdoctor. MSNBC examines the facts around this clip more closely, and goes more in depth about Palin and her unorthodox church. In this clip, she gives a testimony glorifying Pastor Muthee, the witchdoctor, and calls him 'bold' for telling God to appoint her governor.

It is so absolutely unbelievable that this woman is on the ballot and even more alarming that she could potentially have access to the country's nuclear codes. And that's NUCLEAR Ms Palin, not NUCULAR.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S62Z37bIZHk

JG

"If you can read this you're not the President."

*****************

Dad's Response:

1st - of all the super-liberal left wing bigots, Keith Oberman takes the cake. He has already been down-graded by MSNBC for his extreme hate mongering and it hasn't slowed him down one bit.

2nd - I'm sorry, I just can't stomach the man. He has for years been against republicans, the government before the Demolibs took over, and is verging on dementia of the cerebellum. So I have I have a hard time even listening to him. He is definely not "fair and impartial" like Rush Limbaugh!

The Palin film is a joke and a lot of people are falling for it, especially those who, like the doggies in the back window, don't really think but just sit there and nod and nod and nod and nod. etc.
Let's hear it for CHANGE ................ yeah team. .

Keep 'em coming.

Dad

***************

My response:

Wow. I don't know where to start. Keith Oberman aside, I could understand you supporting McCain but to be so passionate about Sarah Palin? That blows my mind. If you watched the video, she is up there praising Pastor Muthee. The film is not a joke, no one has 'fallen' for it, that's her up there on the stage testifying, in broken English, that Pastor Muthee's blessing was instrumental in her being elected Governor. Governor, by the way, of a state with a population of about 700,000. The city of Nashville has a population of 1.2 million.

This ardent support of Palin makes one wonder, could anyone have been wedged into that position and still receive the vehement support of Republicans? Could they have literally chosen anyone at all? Sarah Palin has done nothing significant. She and McCain are not colleagues. She's not a great, or even marginal speaker. She's not published, no one knew who she was. The decision to put her on the ticket was, at best, a desperate one. And yet Republicans are following her around like cattle..."MOO BETCHA"!!

The people who love Sarah Palin are the same bunch who still love George Bush. Of course they're usually in special schools, eating paste, and wearing their underwear on the outside of their pants.

I'll forgive the Rush Limbaugh crack and assume you were running a high fever at the time you scribed your e-mail.

CHANGE is coming!

JG

********************

I lie in wait for Dad's next response. I love this back-and-forth with him. At the end of the day, we laugh about each other's punches and jabs, but to date, neither of us has knocked the other one's block off.

YOU BETCHA

Although I could have a field day commenting on the debate last night, I'll sum it up with a single observation:

I am not that comfortable with a VP that winks at me.

CATSANOVA

One of my cats likes to go outside. There's nothing behind my condo but grass, trees, and the Cumberland River. Also, there's not a walkway thru the condos. In order to get to the back from the parking lot, you would have to go all the way around the whole complex. Point being, it's mostly secluded.

He stays out for a couple of days, more or less, then comes back home. Yesterday he came home with a purple collar with rhinestones all over it. I figured it was my neighbors Jay & Laura. They live a few buildings down and they know who he is since he hangs out there sometimes.

The next day, Laura knocks on my door...

"Hi, did your cat come home yet?"

"Yep, he showed up yesterday. By the way, did you give him a collar?"

"No, we didn't. But I wanted to give you this note...it was attached to that collar, (laughing) I pulled it off yesterday when he came over to our house."

The note reads...

"This cat hangs out here alot and I want to make sure he's ok so I was wondering. Does he belong to someone? Does he have his shots? Is he fixed? I'm in #___ and my phone# is ___. My name is Melissa. I am very fond of him."

At this point, I started to realize that my cat isn't going outside to quell his wild instincts, get back to nature, hang out with the wild cats on the river, and live by his wits. Oh no...this punk is going door to door, meowing his way into people's homes, and eating like a king! I'm waiting for him to show up on someone's Christmas card for cryin' out loud.

The picture above shows him with his Marvin the Martian toy. I got it from one of those claw machines. He used to drag that thing all over the house, upstairs and down. He would take it to bed, sleep with it. It was so funny because it was about as big as he was. You'd hear this 'thump-thump-thump-MEOW-thump-thump...all the way down the stairs. And now he never plays with it anymore. I guess Marvin got his walkin' papers.

THE BAIL OUT

I am completely against this bail-out. To me, it seems like it allows all these rich people to gamble money without consequence. They made their bed, let them sell that if they need money.

I don't care if someone in debt to their ears can't get a new car loan. If you cannot afford to buy a house, rent a small apartment. I am single, I rent a condo, I have a 10 year old car with 180k miles on it. I don't get ANY tax breaks. I don't have any outstanding loans or mortgages. The fact that some billionaire lost his shirt in the stock market doesn't really panic me. If you were rich and now you're not, go get a job! Find out what it's like for people who work two jobs to make ends meet. Find out what it's like for an elderly person to have to go back to work at McDonalds or WalMart because their Social Security benefits have been cut to shreds.

Do you want to know how to reform Washington? Reform welfare? Fix Wall Street? I have the solution...Let some of the rich people in Washington and on Wall Street become poor and live like the rest of us. That should get the ball rolling. Maybe then we could get some decisions that actually help the lives of people in this country who REALLY need the help.

THE BEST WORST MOVIE OF ALL TIME

If you want to watch a bad, bad, BAD movie, I recommend "Can't Stop the Music". It's set in New York in the 70's. I personally love a good bad movie. Not so much to watch, but to crack jokes about. Well this film is a wet-dream of bad cinema.

The cast should sum it up for you...Valerie Perrine, The Village People, a young Steve Guttenberg, and Bruce Jenner, back when he looked like a human. He wears some seriously short jean cut-offs and a pink half-shirt while roaming thru Greenwich Village with The Village People. Even in that get-up I have to say, Bruce was a fox. Why he ever had all that surgery is a mystery to me.

Personally, I advise getting a few friends, order pizza, have a couple of drinks, roll a FAT joint or three, and prepare to laugh your ass off. Fun for the whole family.

THE WEEKEND

Saturday:

We had a fun weekend here in Nashvegas. Saturday I took Bouncer (Teabag Jones) to the Nashville Dog Day Festival. What a blast. Hundreds of dogs and their owners in Centennial Park enjoying the day. There were some really exotic breeds of dog there that I had never even seen in person.

Bouncer had a good time. He's very good with other dogs, cats, kids, etc. The one thing that absolutely slays me is his crazy sniffing behavior. When Bouncer hits the dog park or any place where there are, or have been, other dogs, he goes into this wild-eyed sniffing frenzy. His eyes glaze over, he gets real crazy pulling on his leash, he starts drooling, he tries to hike on everything he can like he's leaving his mark...except his bladder emptied about a mile back. He was possessed. Fitz calls the walking/sniffing outing a "Sniffari". I love that word...cracks me up to this day.


Sunday:

Sunday was pretty low key. Watched some football, did some laundry (my least favorite of all chores), and then went for a bike ride around the Bicentennial Capitol Mall. What a cool place. I had never gone down there and spent any significant amount of time. It's really an amazing park with some unbelievable architecture. Really a fun and interesting place to be. It also dawned on me that I haven't had my own bicycle since I was in my early teens. In high school I had a moped, then a motorbike, and then I got a car.

I can't believe I went so long without getting another bicycle. It's inspired me to remember other fun stuff from childhood that could cross over into my adult life...which is why I am organizing a giant game of duck-duck-goose next weekend. Be there or be square.

THE SLEDGEHAMMER

Yesterday I picked up my new bike which my sister has named The Sledgehammer. It's really cool and I'm having a blast with it. My neighbors are big into cycling so they helped me out with some good advice on what to look for. They also know all the great trails.

Next up for me is some roller blades. With those I can take Bouncer and run him around on his leash at Centennial Park and the Parthenon. Some quality father/son time. :)

BATMAN!


Saturday my buddy JP and I went to see Batman: The Dark Knight. I won't comment on the film so I don't spoil it, but I will say it is AWESOME! Heath Ledger was so great as The Joker. This was the best comic book film I've seen to date.



Christian Bale is great as Batman. He's tough, good fighter, handsome, smart, compassionate, sexy...he's just gooooood.

However, he's no Adam West...And no one will ever be able fill Adam West's leotard...NANA NANA NANA NANA BATMAN!

Ban on Fast Food Proposed for South Los Angeles

This is from an article in the Los Angeles Business Journal...

Los Angeles City Councilwoman Jan Perry is launching the largest Big Mac attack the nation has ever seen.

Last year, Perry proposed a one-year moratorium on new fast-food restaurants in South Los Angeles. She told the Business Journal last week she wants to make it permanent.
The ban, for which Perry has already gathered support, would prohibit new fast-food outlets in 32 square miles of the city, including Watts, Crenshaw and Baldwin Hills – an area with perhaps hundreds of the restaurants.
The ban is intended to stop the proliferation of eateries that serve unhealthful food and save the remaining vacant land in the area for other development. It would be the largest such ban in the nation, according to experts familiar with such issues.
The ban, like the moratorium, would apply to eateries such as McDonald’s, KFC and Taco Bell. Existing restaurants would be allowed to continue operating.
“What I hope happens is we make it a permanent ordinance, so we can continue our efforts to protect people’s health in a permanent way,” Perry said. “It’s also a land-use issue. We don’t want to lose whatever available land there is to activities that are detrimental to people’s health.”
Perry proposed up to a two-year moratorium in September, but by December had settled on a one-year moratorium. Now she wants it to be followed by a permanent ban.

Does anyone else find this offensive? This woman is basically saying that, as an individual citizen, I am incapable of choosing where and what to eat. That I am so lacking in willpower and sound judgement that I need someone to regulate my meals. Perhaps Ms. Perry would prefer a nationwide implementation of government regulated cafeterias. We would all stand in line with our tray, and our food and drink would be provided to us. We would not be able to choose what we were having for lunch, no, that overwhelmingly complicated decision would be made FOR us. Sort of like elementary school when I was a kid. Except even then, I had the option of bringing my own lunch. I love how this woman believes that by removing the fast food restaurants she will somehow be curing obesity. The only thing this legislation cures is freedom.

PEACE

FREE COUNTRY?

America. Land of the FREE. The word FREE is a 'homophone' which is a word spelled and pronounced alike but different in meaning. So let's try looking at another definition of the word FREE. What if FREE in this context didn't refer to freedom. What if FREE meant 'at no financial cost'? Consider this hypothetical scenario...

You are no longer required to pay taxes. The government will no longer demand tax payments from the American people. Instead, they will rely completely on donations. Every American can give whatever financial contribution they choose to the government to keep the wheels of the USA rolling. No minimum, no maximum, no dates or deadlines. Now, you aren't allowed to specify where and for what purpose your donation will be used. You're giving the money to your government and trusting they will use it as they see fit, and for the good of all the American people. The government will determine the distribution and use of the donations. Your donation is simply made to the government of the United States of America. Just a free-will donation to the country you love so much. Speculations on participation? Anyone??

I know some of you might say "Well that's not fair, some people wouldn't donate anything yet they would reap all the benefits of my donation!" Well, you're exactly right. And isn't that exactly how it's done today???

Consider this. I am a single man, 43 years old. I rent a condo, I don't own a home. Based on my level of income I am in a very high tax bracket and claim no deductions. I have no control as to where my money is used. I am forced to hand it over and sometimes to pay even more. I see people in debt, in a house they can't afford, mortgaged to the gills, credit cards overflowing, and with several kids. They made those choices. So how is it fair that they are charged less to live in this country than I am? I am paying to sustain their lifestyle yet I have no control over it. How is that FREE? It's not free 'cost-wise' and it sure as hell is not free 'freedom-wise' either.

Now consider this. A soldier essentially 'donates' his LIFE to his country...HIS LIFE!!! He makes the decision to donate his life. He does not have control over where or how his donation will be used. He does not have a say about which American citizens or groups benefit from his donation. He is making his donation to his government trusting they will use it for the good of the American people.

So let's break it down. As Americans we can be trusted to make the decision to donate our lives to our government, but we cannot be trusted to make the decision to donate our money. So does this mean the government values our money over our lives?

America. Land of the FREE. Well that is BULLSHIT...and that word means the same thing no matter how you look at it.

PEACE

I PREDICT...

Nowadays some homeowners are walking away from their homes just to get out of their mortgage. I predict the next group will be truck and SUV owners. Since it's so expensive to drive them and the trade-in value is virtually worthless, these gas guzzler owners are faced with quite a conundrum. They're too upside down on their loan to get out of the car, they can't sell it, and they can't afford to drive it. I believe people will either let them be repo'd, or simply abandon them or purposely leave them vulnerable for theft. Then they can collect the insurance and/or just take the repo hit on their credit and go buy an economy car. What will this do to the loan companies and banks? Time will tell. Does anyone else see a depression on the horizon?

Yesterday they were considering a bill taxing the oil companies. The Republicans spoke out against it very strongly. My conspiracy theory...Lobbyists under the umbrella of the Bush administration are offering big bucks to squash any such bill. They are all making money hand over fist at the expense of the American people. Have I made mention today of how much I loathe our government?

That brings up another sore point. How is oil a tradeable commodity??? Oil is a natural resource necessary for the day-to-day function of American life. It's not gold, orange juice, pork bellies, or anything like that. I could get thru the day without gold and orange juice, but oil is something we all rely on...private sector and business alike. The fact that Wall Street traders can drive the price of oil up for a profit at the expense of the entire population is completely illogical to me.

I'VE GOT THE TOUCH!

Last week I went home to see the family in NC for birthdays. My nephew Grant's, my brother-in-law Jon's, and my birthday are all in a row, April 13, 14 & 15. Adrienne and Jon gave Grant a Sony PSP which was awesome. He completely flipped. I gave him Madden '08 for the PSP. I remembered being that excited after getting the new, state-of-the-art electronic game, Mattel Football...which I still have by the way. Hey, that was cutting edge baby!!!

After that trip, I drove back home and got on a plane the next day for Las Vegas. I went for an annual work-related trade show, the Electronic Transaction Association or ETA. The show was at the Mandalay Bay resort. There are hundreds of booths giving away knick-knacks, pens, toys, etc, all with their company's logo. One of the booths was demonstrating a new point of sale computer system called Global Transport. The marketing ploy was this unit was so easy to install and operate, it could be removed from the box, connected, and running a transaction in under 3 minutes...and to prove it, they set up a competition to see who could do it in the fastest time during the 3 day show, the winner receiving an iPod Touch. Game on.

First day I watched a couple of people do it, noticing where time could be shaved. By the end of the second day I was ready. The best time had gotten down to 1 minute 56 seconds. After 4 beers and a shameless schmoozing of the people running the booth, it was my turn. In the end, I came in at 1 minute 30 seconds...THE IPOD WAS MINE!! The crowds cheered, champagne flowed, confetti dropped, the white doves were released over the convention hall, etc.

I actually didn't win it for myself. Don't get me wrong, I love competition and I was bound and determined to win that contest regardless of any prizes. So the winning part was for me, the iPod was for my niece Logan for her 17th birthday coming up in a couple of weeks. She'll love it and get a lot more use out of it than I will.

Other than that, the only thing I won in Vegas was a free continental breakfast. Fun trip though. However, next time I would like to go for fun, not for work.

ULTIMATE TOY

In the Bond film, The Spy Who Loved Me, James Bond drives a Lotus Esprit S1. When submerged, it morphed into a submarine type vehicle allowing the spy to drive under water. Rinspeed has developed a similar car based on a Lotus Elise, called the sQuba.

The sQuba is unique on several levels. It can drive itself, complete with a radar scanning system on the front of the car that keeps it within lines and stops if an obstacle obstructs it's path. It's a 100% zero emissions automobile using rechargeable Lithium batteries. And, it can fly underwater. Too cool.

The sQuba has built in scuba gear. When the car is in the water, you put the scuba gear over your face and mouth, then take her down for an amazing underwater ride.

Imagine driving your car underwater one weekend. Getting into a little fender bender. Calling your insurance carrier or going into the body repair shop and explaining, "Well I hit a shark...it just came out of nowhere".

Check out Rinspeed's website for other cool, eco-friendly concept cars.

MY NEPHEWS

My sister is finally starting to send me some pictures of the boys. Grant is the nerd, Spencer is the accident victim, and Owen is the pirate.

Spencer also played football this past season. He was the starting cornerback. I took a couple of his pictures and added them to a Sports Illustrated cover. He got a BIG kick out of that. I also added a comment about me, Unkle Hymie, and my prowess at Wii Tennis. They got a Wii system for Christmas and I am thoroughly addicted! I don't get into the Playstation, Xbox, Nintendo games usually, but this thing is awesome. The tennis was my favorite, since I play tennis. Spencer is really good. He whipped me just about every time we played, although I still claim to be the champ...just some good spirited trash talkin'.

All these guys are total riots. Owen could be a stand up comedian. He's 5 years old and that kid slays me. Another game on Wii is the training mode. We did training mode for bowling. This starts out with 10 pins, then goes to 15, 22, 38, 55, 66, 78, 91 or something close to that order. Owen, Spencer and me are playing. Owen goes first, then Spence, then me. Every time Spencer or I got ready, Owen would start heckling us. "If you get a strike I'll slap myself in the head". Then before the ball even hits the pins he goes, "Woop, Oh Well!" Every time it was something. "If you get a strike I'll spank myself with both hands!"...."Woop, Oh Well!". Cracks me up!

I'm going back to NC to visit in mid April for some birthdays. My brother-in-law Jon, Grant, and my birthday are all right in a row. 13, 14 &15. Should be a lot of fun.

Mom & Pop


My brother Art and his new wife Sahm

My sister Adrienne and her husband Jon

Me

WEDDED BLISS

I'm finally getting some pictures from my brother's wedding. These were taken at the rehearsal dinner the night before. I'll be posting some more photos from the wedding and reception soon.

PROGRESS?

The crossbow was invented in the 14th century. After learning of it's creation, Pope Gregory said 'This weapon is so terrible it will certainly end war'.

We've come a long way.

PEACE

YOU GOTTA LOVE TRANS FAT

While Bouncer and I were out on our Sunday afternoon cruise around town, I happened upon two fascinating billboards. Proud banners announcing to the world "ZERO TRANS FAT". The best part is that these two particular banners happened to be in front of KFC and Krispy Kreme. Say WHA'?! I realize this isn't really saying that doughnuts and fried chicken are now fat free, but when the average person sees ZERO and FAT in the same sentence, the first thing they think is "this is not bad for me".

And we wonder why America is the fattest nation in the world. C'mon people! I too am waiting for that glorious day when scientists announce that doughnuts and fried chicken are now health food, but until then, I'm sorry to report that TRANS fat does not mean SANS fat. I can just see people leaving the drive through, patting themselves on the back saying "It's been tough but I am really trying to stick to my zero-trans-fat diet. I'm on day 47 and I have not had one gram of trans fat...and the amazing thing is I don't feel hungry!"

Forget about all the calorie counting, excercise advice, and the good fat vs. bad fat debates. The best advice ever about dieting was given by Dr. Nick Riviera. "If you're unsure about something, rub it on a piece of paper...if the paper turns clear it's your window to weight gain!"

PEACE

LET'S GET DUFFED!

Well my DUI hearing was Tuesday. Our lawyer managed to get the whole case thrown out. No DUI on my record, no points on my license, no jail time, no trash pick-up on the side of the road, no nothing. I am so relieved to have this gross injustice behind me.

Immediately after the hearing I took my lawyer and his assistant out to the Flying Saucer for an afternoon/evening of music, drinks, pool, and darts. They had a great band that night. I was sucking down draft beer like it was the night before Prohibition...and no, I didn't drive home.

I realize I was EXTREMELY lucky to have gotten out of this trouble, whether guilty or innocent, but I sure am happy to report that in this one instance, that low-life, lying, piece o' shit cop that pulled me over in the first place, was denied a conviction. If you want to know how I feel about the police, just watch one of my all time favorite movies, Dolemite!!



CAN YOU DIG IT?!!

PEACE, BABY.

Well, thankfully Christmas has come and gone. I didn't go home to NC since I am going next week for my brother's wedding. No plans for New Years Eve either. It's been quite a dull holiday season for yours truly. I'm looking forward to seeing everyone next week when I visit and having a good face-to-face, um, 'discussion' with my father about the current administration. He loves Bush, hates the Clintons. I am completely the opposite. Should be interesting at the wedding reception when the cocktails start flowing from the always unavoidable open bar. :)

Happy New Year to you all!

PEACE

PIETY IN THE SKY

I am so tired of hearing politicians brag about their religious beliefs...and even more tired of cattle-like Americans who continue to willingly follow that noise all the way to the slaughterhouse.

Who cares if our leaders are religious? Given the behaviour of religious groups I would prefer a leader with no religious ties whatsoever. A leader with a brain not influenced by groups that so proudly encourage the personally defined ethical exhaltation of their members.

Consider the Bible and how many people use the Bible to administer their hatred and judgement on others based solely on the explanation, "Because the Bible says so". I love that argument. Hate and judge because of what it says, and doesn't say, in the Bible. And even better that religionists are allowed to pick and choose the virtues they will battle. So I guess the religionists believe that although God is perfect, he made these calamitous blunders...creating different races, cultures, alternative love interests, etc. Huge mistakes. And now it's up to the religionists to dispense their interpretation of religious justice to anyone outside of the box they so define...based on the magic, and ever changing alleged wisdom, of the Bible. Do you folks really think that's the plan? That's what you take in when you're reading this book? Perhaps a dictionary might prove a wise investment.

In fact, one could argue that the demise of civilization can be blamed on the practice of religion. I think I can say this without fear of successful contradiction; All of us have heard a religious person justify an act or perhaps a statement with "Because it says so in the Bible". That's the religious coup de grâce of all arguments. The catch-all phrase that basically says "I'm doing this because God said I should". So with that understanding, how completely mad would it seem to want a person in power who cannot coherently justify his decisions? Who can not validate his actions without the reassurance and security blanket of religion, and without effectively telling the nation 'The Bible said so'. One who acts on what is best for the country and not what is best for the religious country. If I wanted that I would be going to church. Come to think of it, perhaps they should be running for church president! Church leader elections could run a campaign on that platform. Each candidate could get up and speak about "Here is what I believe about God and the Bible". Go ahead and run a campaign on that platform and in that venue all day long. People choosing to follow those particular religious beliefs and seek that particular candidate's leadership could elect to join up and soak in all of the Bible-icious teachings they can ingest. Now that would actually qualify as quintessential freedom of choice...believing what you wish, but not harming or hindering another in the process. Hallelujah!! However, when you're talking about running a country and deciding what's best for the mixed and diverse group that makes up a country, the religious influence grossly limits the sound judgement needed to make decisions that are best for ALL the country.

I personally don't believe in religion. I certainly respect everyone's right to believe what they want, worship however they want, and pray how and to whomever they want. I also believe in my right not to. If God shows up on a ballot, call me. Otherwise, run the country with your brain, not your Bible.

PEACE

IMPEACH THE PRESIDUNCE!!

Is it any wonder the U.S. has lost all credibility in the world as a super power? I hear there is a mad rush of people going to Ellis island to catch the next boat OUT of America.

I actually experience legitimate physical nausea when I hear the voice of George Bush. I do not understand how a man like this was actually elected President of the United States. It boggles the mind! The fact that he was elected twice is probably the most disturbing and frightening event I have ever encountered in my 42 years. To think I live in a country where the majority of people are so unaware and are so easily hoodwinked into believing the ramblings of a snake oil salesman...it just makes my head hurt.

When I was a kid you would hear proud parents talking about their children saying "That little one could be President one day!" Now I could interview 9 out of 10 children and say "That little one could be President TOday!" Clearly there is no education, reason, or grasp of right and wrong required to take that job. The only training I would deem necessary to complete is potty training. And that's probably negotiable.

C'mon people, ImPEACH! This man has imPEARed our country. He is a worm in America's APPLE. My MELON is swellin' cuz of that LIMEy felon! He has gRAPED our spirits and our dignity. That BANANA is BANANAS! He is a mere FIGment of a president. Let that MAN GO! ORANGE you sick of having a LEMON for a leader? PRUNE that Bush!!! ImPEACH that ROTTEN ASS FRUITCAKE!!!

Okay, I'm PLUM out of fruit jokes.

PEACE

PRICED-LESS

Gallon of Gas.....$1.29

Pack of Cigarettes.....$1.48

Hanging on to a gas station receipt circa 1991.....Mindless.

SNEETCHES ON BEACHES

I've always loved the Dr. Suess books, and one of my favorites is The Sneetches. I believe if people really stopped to think about this story and how silly the story is, and how the Sneetches were worrying about dissimilarities that really had no significant meaning whatsoever, the world would be a better place.

The story is basically this...Some are star-bellied sneetches, and some have "no stars on thars". The star-bellied Sneetches look down on those without the stars. They don't invite them to parties, they laugh at and loathe the no-star Sneetches for no real reason other than the abscence of the star. The star-bellies are "the best Sneetches on the beaches."

So one day a chappie named Sylvester McMonkey McBean rolls into town. He has a contraption that will put stars on the bellies of the downtrodden no-star-havin' Sneetches. Of course they fall over themselves to pay McBean to put the stars on their bellies so they can be like the other Sneetches, be popular and accepted. Well then the star-bellied Sneetches get mad and decide the stars are not the way to go so McBean offers to remove their stars for a fee. They all pay to remove their stars and decree the no-star Sneetches are the best on the beaches. This goes on and on until they are all mixed up and no one really remembers who was with or without the star and they really can't say which is better....

"Then, when every last cent of their money was spent, the Fix-It-Up-Chappie packed up and he went. And he laughed as he drove in his car up the beach, 'They never will learn. No, you can't teach a Sneetch!'

But McBean was quite wrong, I'm quite happy to say, the Sneetches got quite a bit smarter that day. That day, they decided that Sneetches are Sneetches, and no kind of Sneetch is the BEST on the beaches. That day, all the Sneetches forgot about stars, and whether they had one or not upon thars."

Why do some people feel the need to insist they are the best Sneetches on the beaches? Religion, race, sexual orientation, age, income, political views, etc... So many stars we have upon ours! The Sneetches had ONE difference and it was a huge issue. We have many differences and to my knowledge we have yet to conquer one. Sylvester McMonkey McBean would be making a fortune off of us.

Here is a thought. What if we were not separated into countries and different ethnic groups and different groups in general. What if we were all just considered earthlings. We had no animosity towards other earthlings, perhaps only to non-earthlings...Venusians, Martians, Klingons, Darth Vaders, etc. What if all humans on earth worked as one to build a better society and advance further than our neighboring planets and galaxies, and even those planets and galaxies you and I have never even heard of. What could we have become if all our brain power was focused on bettering the Earth instead of separating ourselves from each other. Then what if we even took it a step further to have one galaxy. One galaxy learning, growing, evolving, without the conflicts over who has stars and who doesn't. I should think there are enough stars out there for everyone to enjoy.

Me, I'd be happy just being a Sneetch on a beach...Star or no star down thar.

PEACE

NOAH'S ARe you Kidding me?

Today I heard one of my all time favorite songs from the 60's by Zager & Evans. To me it's poignant lyrics and haunting melody tell the forboding story of our future. The song is basically a metaphor for man's desperate pursuit of technological and medical advancement which ultimately leads to the implosion of mankind, starting a new chapter in the evolutionary story. Personally, I am not sure it will take as long as the song predicts. While I think that is imminent, Christians supposedly do not believe God will ever 'start over'. The Bible tells the story of Noah and God's disgust of man up to that point, so he flooded all the world and started over...then God swears he will never do that again no matter how corrupt and vile a species man becomes. Even though Christians believe God will 'never do that again', they continue to talk about the 2nd coming and being saved and taken out of here before God destroys the earth and it becomes hell. I don't know, sounds a bit contradictory to me, but nonetheless.

I read the story of Noah and here is how it goes from what I derived...God is fed up with the world and decides man is too rotten to live any longer. God says Noah and his family are the only good people left on the planet so he has to gather two of everything, and after the 40 day/night storm, and the flood waters dry up, he will need to plant and replenish all things; animal, vegetable, and mineral. After it's all over and they are on dry land, Noah plants a vineyard. Grapes come to fruition and Noah gets hammered on wine, passes out drunk and naked, and his son Ham finds him. Ham runs to get his two brothers who enter the room by backing in with a sheet to cover Noah, their father, so they won't see him naked. When Noah comes to, hungover and apparently quite cranky, he finds out Ham saw him naked and condemns him to be a slave to his brothers for all eternity. Talk about your mean drunk! Some theologians believe that 'to see your fathers nakedness' actually means to 'have sex with your fathers wife.' Given there were a maximum of 4 couples on the ark, all related, someone was lovin' someone's father's wife. They shared an ark for about a year. After an entire year in this ark, no one saw anyone else naked? C'mon. I'm not sure about either theory but to me, if that group was the best bunch of people God could find to begin life anew for all earth's time, I think he would have been better off just giving the whole world a bath and sending down another alleged Adam & Eve. Like shaking an Etch-a-Sketch. If you're gonna start the drawing over, then START OVER for cryin' out loud!

However, all sardonic comments aside, the song is pretty accurate of life and current goals in this day and age. A pill for everything, taken by old and young, men women and children, and computers doing jobs men used to do. Here are the lyrics...

in the year 2525
if man is still alive
if woman can survive
they may find...

in the year 3535
ain't gonna need to tell the truth tell no lies
everything you think do and say
is in the pill you took today

in the year 4545
ain't gonna need your teeth won't need your eyes
you won't find a thing to chew
nobody's gonna look at you

in the year 5555
your arms are hanging limp at your sides
your legs got nothing to do
some machines doing that for you

in the year 6565
ain't gonna need no husband won't need no wife
you'll pick your son pick your daughter too
from the bottom of a long glass tube

in the year 7510
if God's a-comin' he ought to make it by then
maybe he'll look around himself and say
"guess it's time for the Judgement Day"

in the year 8510
God is gonna shake his mighty head
he'll either say "I'm pleased where man has been''
or tear it down and start again

in the year 9595
I'm kinda wondering if man's gonna be alive
he's taken everything this old earth can give
and he ain't put back nothing...

now it's been 10,000 years
man has cried a billion tears
for what he never knew
now man's reign is through
but through the eternal night
the twinkling of starlightso very far away
maybe it's only yesterday...

YEP, I think that about sums it up! And now I probably need to go home and make sure my water-wings are inflated just in case it rains tonight.

PEACE

HILLARY 2008!

After last night's debates I am ready to back Hillary Clinton in the coming election. My father will undoubtedly disown me after reading this.

It is so refreshing to hear someone in politics speak articulately and with intelligent candor when asked a direct question. My blood boils every time a politician gives one of those canned answers that don't really answer anything. For example, Obama's response to the issuing of driver's licenses to illegal/undocumented immigrants. For me, this is a no-brainer. Americans can't get a driver's license without documentation, why in the world would we give a license so freely to illegal immigrants? Illegal's have it better than Americans. Hillary's response, a concise and simple "No". Obama rambled on with the same jargon they must teach in Politics 101... 'Well there are many things to consider in this issue and I oppose that which is not for the good of the people but will fight that which is considered a danger to our freedom in America', blah blah blah. Wolf Blitzer's response, "Senator this question can be answered with a simple yes or no."

At this point in time, I believe America looks aimless and ignorant. Bush is basically a redneck with a team of speech writers and strategists but has no voice of his own. When he does speak, the entire White House staff must be sitting with fingers crossed just hoping he doesn't say something too far out because they know they'll all be working overtime cleaning up the verbal diarrhea that is Geo Bush. His whole speaking persona is comparable to a defensive child trying to lie his way out of detention. I have ZERO respect for Bush or the current administration. Nada, nil, nothing. A big goose egg of a zero. I believe he is sustaining a needless war which is serving only his, and his team of evil minion's, monetary gain. Bush always runs to the Christian quotes du jour whenever he is pressed, leading middle America to believe he's just a simple man, but a Christian man, so that makes him okay. My parents view Bush like that kid down the street who was always on the wild side and then found Jesus. Now he's a pillar of strength but still has that stand-up-and-fight spirit and a magical elusive Christian mix in there to create some sort of über Christian President...An alleged leader with a simple hometown core belief system who only wants to 'take care of his neighborhood'. What a truck load of horse shit. How naive a nation we are to support and continue to employ this evil and sinister team of two-faced lying politicians. Bush Jr., if you really do believe in Christianity, then you also believe in Hell. So rest assured that for your actions as President you will no doubt be picked up in a fiery stretch limosine and whisked away to your own deluxe private suite at 444.6°C. And when the devil himself is in your ass, elbow deep, with a hot pitch fork, you screaming and crying "AN OLDER BOY TOLD ME TO DO IT!" won't cut the mustard.

I believe this presidency will go down in history as the 8 years that destroyed our nation. I watch the Bush countdown clock with eager anticipation, each second brings us that much closer to the end of a devastatingly damaging era in American History.

So kids, that's my position in the race thus far. Hillary Clinton for President! U-S-A!! U-S-A!!

Sorry Dad. Say hi to Mom for me! :)

THE MIGHTY DRUNK HAVE FALLEN!

Well, it finally happened. I was pulled over Saturday night on my way back from dinner and charged with DUI. However, I was totally innocent...at least on this particular occasion.

I met a couple of friends at Little Italy for some outstanding food. I believe I had 3 glasses of wine over the course of our 2 hour dinner. So it's about 9:00 and I'm heading home. Since I live downtown I have to drive through the 'party central' areas of Nashville. When I turned down Church street passing by all the Vandy hotspots, a Metro officer leaving a parking lot pulled out in front of me without looking. I honked my horn and raised my hands up saying "What the hell dude?" Baddabing Baddaboom, blue lights come on. So I pulled over, a little ticked off, and he tells me he pulled me over for speeding. The unjust conversation proceeds:

ME: What can I do for you officer?

Loser Cop: I pulled you over because you were speeding.

ME: You're not pulling me over because I honked at you for darting out in front of me without looking?

I know...I have no idea why I felt the need to smart mouth an already pissed off police officer. This is not going well. I can feel my fighting Irish spirit rising. Damn, I'm turning into my father.

Loser Cop: That's got nothing to do with it. You been drinking?

ME: Sir I had wine with dinner, here's my to-go bag right here. Just came from Little Italy and I'm on my way home.

Loser Cop: Step out of the car.

At this juncture my attitude quickly changed from wise ass, although-I-was-right citizen, to 'Holy shit' I'm heading to the big house.

Loser Cop: Let's do some sobriety tests.

Now here I must interject that I truly was not impaired. I had 3 glasses of wine with a big bowl of pasta, AND BREAD I might add. I was not even slightly buzzed much less impaired. Not to say I have never driven home when I shouldn't have, but this time I really was fine.

After the finger-to-nose test, and the stand on one leg test, both passed with flying colors, he gets to the walk-the-line test.

Loser Cop: Step over on the curb and walk along this seam in the concrete since that's a straight line.

ME: Oh now c'mon that's uneven pavement, we're on an uphill slant, and that curb is way too narrow. That's like walking on a crooked balance beam. Plus I wear size 12 shoes, my shoe is hanging over the edge!

Loser Cop: If you'd like I can note that you refused the test.

ME: Okay okay, sorry. I'll take the test.

I managed to complete this test, admittedly shaky, but I didn't fall into the street.

Loser Cop: It's my opinion that you are impaired.

ME: What?? Which part of these tests do you feel I didn't complete successfully?

Loser Cop: That's my call. Hands behind your back.

ME: (my last final plea) Officer please, I'm sorry but I truly am not impaired. I live downtown and I just want to go home. I'm not going out anywhere else, I just want to go home.
Loser Cop: Hands behind your back.

From that point on I was the nicest guy on the planet. I was released that night, without having to post any bond, just promised to show up for court. So I guess it could have been worse. Our corporate lawyer has already said he will get this thrown out without any trouble at all. Also I've talked with a couple of other officers I know and they both said this guy has a reputation for writing BS tickets. Both said I won't have any trouble beating the charges.

My court date is on 11/26. If all goes well and I am able to get all this thrown out with no smudges on my record, I'm going to go out and party like....

Wait, nevermind.

HELL-OWEEN

Last night was All Hallows Eve. I stayed in with a good bottle of wine, built a nice fire, and ordered a pizza from Joey's. The ultimate trifecta for a primo evening.
I picked up the DVD of Spiderman 3. I enjoyed the first two so I thought this one would be awesome. If you've not seen the movie, READ NO FURTHER!

I loved the movie, the story, special effects, action, all good. However, after a great 2 + hours of Spidey action, we reach the end. Total let down. It was like the last 15 minutes of Old Yeller. All tears and emotion-laden deathbed speeches.
Throughout the film we learn the story of Flint Marko, the Sandman. Defining line, "I'm not a bad man, I've just had bad luck." Although on the wrong side of the law, he's fighting for his adorable daughter, who's dying, so you almost feel sympathy for him and his struggles. He is trying desperately to get the money for the obligatory lifesaving operation...come to think of it we never do learn what her illness is. Then we learn that Flint Marko actually killed Uncle Ben. Now the conflict comes in. It was okay with me when he was stealing to save his dying daughter, but Uncle Ben was killed years ago. So this guy has been 'having bad luck' for quite some time now. At the end, Flint confesses his crime to Peter and explains his reason, holding out the locket with his dying daughter's picture inside, and after a tediously tearful stare, Peter forgives him. Sandman gets his peace of mind, and his sand is scattered to the winds...leaving behind his dying daughter's locket. Peter sees it, stares at it, then swoops down to check on Harry...also dying. Another 10 minutes of goodbyes, sorry's, i love you's, etc. And he's gone. At that point I was pissed. Why not have Peter and Harry become a super team? I really didn't think he was going to die. But again, he has finally achieved peace of mind and enlightenment, so he's outta there. Stan Lee must be a Buddhist.
The best death was Venom, Topher Grace...whom I don't really care for on a good day. So when Venom bites the dust, I actually yelled out "YESSSS!!!"
So MJ and Peter, and Aunt May, live on to fight another day and another host of villains. The questionably noble Sandman wasn't quite turned to the good side, he's dead. Venom...no hope for him, dead. Harry...turned to the good side, but dead.
So now the only sequel options I can come up with at present are:
1. Aunt May accidentally swallows a moth and harnesses the power to regenerate herself over and over by repeatedly pupating into her bullet proof cocoon and emerging as a young and beautiful butterfly, with killer fire-breathing powers, but she still wears Uncle Ben's ring.
2. Peter and MJ have a conflict about his Spiderman powers. He's depressed and wants MJ to lock him in a bathroom with a Raid Fogger to kill off the Spider inside him. MJ wants Peter to bite her and give her the Spidey powers...the family that webs together, etc. The climax would come when their argument reached it's heightened frenzy with Peter yelling at MJ, "FOG ME" and MJ yelling at Peter, "BITE ME!". "FOG ME!!" "BITE ME!!!!"
3. The dying asthmatic daughter of the Sandman decides to avenge her father's killer...Spiderman. She radioactively charges her oxygen tank and she is able to ride it like a witches broom, lighting it on fire for turbo boosts...and she inhales it constantly and it acts as helium making her sound like a deranged munchkin from Wizard of Oz. Her weapon, a locket with her childhood picture, that transforms into a grim-reaper-style sickle...but still with her childhood picture emblazened on the front.
Me, I'll take option 3. C'mon, a deranged munchkin with an oxygen tank that's on fire, wielding a sickle with her childhood picture on it? That's some scary shit.

KILLER PARENTS?

I am appalled at the circus going on with the McCanns. The couple, Gerry and Kate, went on vacation in Portugal with their three young children...daughter Madeleine age 3 and her 2 year old twin siblings. The couple made the brilliant decision to leave their children in the vacation villa apartment while they went and dined with friends. During their absence, 'Maddy' was abducted. Their reasoning? "We were still in the hotel so we weren't far from the room". That makes sense. Much more sense than say, oh I don't know, ONE of you idiots going out for dinner and the other staying in to take care of your three YOUNG children. Perhaps I'm making an assumption though. Are the McCann's conjoined twins maybe? Attached at the hip so if one goes, they both have to go? I don't know, even with that possibility factored in to the mix I would still have to ask...Was room service not available? No pizza delivery in Portugal? A mini bar perhaps, with a $15 jar of peanuts that might sustain your obviously overwhelming need to dine at least until a sitter could be summoned? Clearly I'm approaching this from far too fundamental an angle. The McCann's were hungry dammit. Everyone knows it's customary to leave children unaccompanied in Portugal. That's in the tourism brochure isn't it?

Come to Portugal!!
Enjoy great food and wine!
Leave your toddlers in the room,
They'll be just fine!

Accusations have been flying all over as to where the responsiblity lies for this very sad and tragic crime. The parents blame the Portugese authorities swearing their inept investigation is the reason their daughter is still missing. The authorities believe the parents are co-conspirators. Seems everyone has an opinion. Including me.

First off, you leave a 3 yr old and 2 yr old twins alone while you go out to dinner? Are you kidding me??? How do these people still have custody of those 2 year old twins?!! I've seen episodes of Cops that arrest women for leaving kids unattended while they run to the corner grocery for baby food. The children are immediately whooooshed into protective custody and the parents have to prove their ability to provide a safe living environment before the children are returned. Then there's the mother...Kate McCann. What a piece of work this bitch is. She seems to have lost her grieving mother act and has since adopted an "I'm the real victim here" angle. She is quoted in the press as saying she believes she has been persecuted because of the way she looks. Her 3 year old daughter is abducted while she and her husband are out on the town and she's concerned about her image. What do you all think, Mother of the year? Hands? She claims she has been portrayed as a bad parent because she "is slim, and doesn't look like a comfortably rounded hausfrau cutting cookies with one hand while a baby is glued to her ample bosom." Lady, if you had a child glued to your ample bosom, at least you would know where that child was!!! And if you think public opinion of your unbelievably irresponsible actions is based on your figure, you are even worse a mother than I realized.

Then these two geniuses set up a "Find Maddy" fund that has amounted to about 1M pounds. That's alot of money...money which they have since started spending, using it to make delinquent mortgage payments on their house. I guess they figured they might Find Maddy hiding in their house somewhere. Sounds about right.

I can't imagine anyone believing or supporting the McCanns. I wonder if any of these supporters would like to leave their 2 and 3 year old children in the care of such a couple. I wouldn't even leave my goldfish, Opie, in the care of these two crooks. I'd sooner appoint my cat Jack to the position of babysitter.

My opinion...they had financial problems and sold their daughter in Portugal. I know it's a contemptible thought but you have to admit, it explains everything...them leaving for the night, the hotel room being left unlocked and entered without force, only the one child being taken, Kate McCann's focus on her image, the use of the fund for their past due debts. I may be wrong. I hope I'm wrong actually. But I'm not wrong in saying these two have no business being parents.

Madeleine...I hope you are found very very soon, safe and sound.
McCann's....I hope you both rot in jail.

MY FRIEND JULIE...

My friend Julie lives in Titusville, aka Tittyville, Fla. Julie threw a house-warming party. Directly above is the day after photo. She got up, naked and hung over, stumbled into her newly house-warmed kitchen, had coffee in her bathrobe, and crashed on the couch.

I just love this picture. Julie is passed out, nothing new, showing off her bare ass, also nothing new. But look closer and you'll see her little dog Max (pictured above) in the EXACT same posture. Both of them sound asleep, curled up into the hang-over fetal position, with their asses hanging out. Sadly, Maxwell "Max", has passed away. Max was a Miniature Pinscher and he was her best buddy. Saying he is 'missed' doesn't even begin to cover it. I love this picture because it really sums up their relationship. Max was always right next to her just like in this picture. No matter what she was doing, Max was right there with her. Always together and sharing whatever moment or emotion the other was going thru. In this photo it's like he's saying "Yeah, I've got a hang over too...let's go back to sleep".

He was also the smartest little guy I've ever met. Julie and I always swore he could speak perfect English and just played dumb to mess with us. And we pictured him getting on the phone after she left for work making crank phone calls...calling Petco and saying he caught VD from a french poodle on spring break and now his "Oui Oui" is burning when he pees. Then he howls hysterically and hangs up. Stuff like that.

Abbie is her cat, and Max's stepsister. She's got a couple of new kids on the block too. Duke is a Yorkie...Julie calls him "The Yorkshire Terrorist". Her other boy Billy is a mix but definitely has some MinPin in there too. So now we figure Abbie tells Duke and Billy stories about Max and they look thru photo albums and tell stories and laugh.

For me, I figure that any time Julie passes out, butt-nekkid on the couch...or anywhere else for that matter...Max is right there with his little ass hanging out right next to hers.

WE MISS YOU BUDDY!!!!!

CAPITOL HILL NEEDS AN ENEMA!

Local elections are taking place and the commercials are all the same. Each candidate saying how bad the other is, but never really saying what he stands for or what his campaign is about. This is not new, nor is it confined to Tennessee local elections.

The issue with Mark Foley is a great example. I certainly am not condoning an adult having internet relations or any relations with minors, but if you were to look at the laundry list of cover-ups and illegal action committed by the posse on the hill, it's fascinating how quickly they can all jump on this fairytale bandwagon of morality and act so shocked about the 'whole filthy incident'. It's as though they all breathe a sigh of relief when they see a scandal like this because it shifts the attention from their malfeasance du jour.

The dirty politicians on the bench and the dirt itself goes so deep in the system there is never going to be any positive change in our government or in our society. There are simply too many people involved, with too many personal agendas, very few of which have anything to do with the real problem. And there are not enough fresh minds in the mix.

So, that said...I propose we perform the proverbial enema on Capitol Hill. Then after all the impurities have been flushed, we narrow down the governing body to 5 people. 2 republicans, 2 democrats, and an independent to break the tie. Done and done.

Happy Halloween kids, and may all your enemas be desired not required.

PEACE